How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!

A girl who opens her hands receives gifts,

who opens her heart receives love,

who opens her legs receives happiness 

Girl:It’s too tight
Boy: Don’t worry; I’ll do it slowly,
Gal: Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can’t,
Gal: It’s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
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We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!

A Good friend is like a Good bra… hard to find, comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling, holds you tight and is always close to your heart!

He took me from a bar

He took me in his car

He took my top off

He puts his lips on mine, but don’t worry: I’m a bottle of wine!

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them.

Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

During sexual session the girl says:”u r like a mobile phone!”Boy:
“Do I vibrate a lot?” Girl:”No, when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network

The most difficult golf course in the world is… “Women Hole” any
style you play… as many shots you try… & as much perfection you have… you
can never get your balls in…!!!

Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people)

like NIKE (just do it)

like PEPSI(ask for more)

like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and

like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..

A woman married a one legged man.

She wrote to her mother:

“My husband only has ONE FOOT”.

Her Motherreplied:

“You are lucky,your papa has ONLY 5 INCHES”